[Dave -=TiGrrBoy=- Small]

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You've reached Dave's Page O' Narcissistic Self-Indulgence

This area is under construction.
Please excuse the mess.

Hi! Since you're here, you're either wondering who the heck I am, or are very, very lost. So here it goes... Who am I? The Davest of all possible Daves!® OK, I heard you muttering, "Oh, right; that tells me a lot." Actually, it tells you quite a bit. Anyone who knows me will agree that I am the quintessence of Davishness. To make clear for those who aren't quite so lucky as to actually know me--and my quirky Sense-O-Humor--I'll answer a few common questions.

For a gentle introduction, I suggest you read the poem Dave Kellow sent me which summarizes what it is to be a Dave. It's called On Daves and Davedom. Thanks, Dave!

Before I continue... After a protracted and bitter fight, the US Supreme Court unfortunately ruled the Federal law requiring that I conspicuously display the following notice is indeed constitutional. Rather than not publishing a web page about myself, I've opted to comply. So, here it goes...

[SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Daves Are Habit Forming]

What the heck is Dave?

[VikingIcon] Can you say, "A Nordic God?" Good, I knew you could. ;-) Dave is a bi-pedal hominoid, a close genetic relative of chimpanzees and organgutans. However, Dave has a strong psychic affinity for tigers (all felines, actually) and birds of prey; this explains the Winged Tiger logo at the top of this page--and you thought it was a gryphon, didn't you?

Last time he took a Myers-Briggs style test, he was pigeon-holed as XNFP, which means: a strongly Perceptive (16/20), Feeling (12/20), highly Intuitive (18/20) Ambivert (5/10). This pattern has been consistent for at least the last decade. For a better idea of what that really means take a peek at INFP (which describes his introverted side), ENFP, and comments on ENFPs (which deal with his extroverted side).

Some other data which characterize Dave are:

Height: 6'3" (or, as he is fond of saying, "normal.")
Hair: Abundant and blonde--viking icon not withstanding, does not sport any facial hair.
Eyes: Grey-blue, usually seen behind contacts or glasses
Weight: 160 (+/-5) pounds
Citizenship: USA
Ethnicity: .5 german + .25 swede + .25 british islander (viking invader?)
Sex: Male
Birthday: July 18
Sign: Occupancy by more than 15 people prohibited by law
Intelligence: Doesn't always come in out of the rain.
Orientation: North by Northeast

Places where Dave has been known to reside:

In reverse chronologic order... From the time I was born to the time I finished highschool--Northeast HS, St. Pete--my family chose a new home on an average of every 1.125 years. I suspect it might have something to do with being a military brat.

Can a Dave be house trained?

[WoodCutIcon] It all depends on the trainer. A Dave housed in close proximity with others is reasonably clean. When living alone, their homes alternate between looking like something out of a interior design magazine and a poster soliciting relief funds for hurricane victims. Regardless, Daves enjoy decorating all available surfaces with stacks of paper. While Daves have a vast capacity to ignore their surroundings, they are known to very much appreciate a tidy, clean environment. In fact, they will usually keep the area which they most frequently inhabit during waking hours neat. As will be discussed later, a Dave is a mood driven creature--and when in the mood, one will happily do whatever chores need be done.

Dishes: It's best not even to mention this word in the presence of a Dave: the two are known to be mutually incompatible.
Laundry: Daves tend to accumulate clothes; this has the advantage that laundry needs to be done less frequently. Some might be suprised to learn that Daves actually fold their underwear and socks!
Bathroom: A Dave likes a clean bathroom and has no genetic disinclination towards keeping one so. Things that make Dave wild-eyed and crazy include: the toilet lid left up, the tooth-paste cap left off, a faucet left dripping, and toiletpaper hung the wrong way--i.e., against the wall.
Bills: Would you be astonished to discover that Daves really need an adminstrative assistant to take care of all that bothersome paperwork?

Just what do Daves eat?

[Maitre d'Icon] Daves and food have a complex relationship. I have at least three different ways that I approach food. Let's start with the most mundane and move to the more entertaining. There is injestion of nutrients because I intellectually realize it is necessary; it's a purely functional and perfunctory act, undertaken when I have neither the time nor the inclination to eat. Its usual manifestation is the consumption of a high-protien drink or a sports bar. Next there is the "I'm-starving-so-FEED-ME!" where I'm hungry now and will eat anything set in front of me. And finally Dave, epicurian that he is, truely enjoys dining on fine foods. In addition to savouring delicacies, exotic and mundane, Daves can cook them too! So... here are some of a Dave's favorite things (not ranked in any particular order):

Coffee: Strong(!), with-or-without cream, with-or-without sugar, hot or iced. I love the stuff. Well... if it's good. I'm not talking about that brown crayon dissolved in turpentine beverage cheerfully served at restaurants across the country. A couple of my favorite varietals are Celebes Kalossi (it's got a real kick too) and Sumatra Mandheling.
Sushi: Mmmm. Candy! I love the stuff. And it's so healthy too...
Beef: I confess, I'm a confirmed beef-eatin' boy. And I like it rare! Just trot the cow once around the field so it builds up a good sweat before ya sever it to me. I love a good filet mignon, roasted beast and jarlsburg cheese on a whole-wheat sub roll, pot roast with potatoes and carrots, and so on...
Chocolate: Dark, bitter-sweet chocolate, that's the stuff for me. Milk chocolate is an abomination (much like poodles). Lindt, Ghirardelli, Tobler, and Godiva all manufacture an excellent product.
Liver: Yup! Cooked (but NOT over-cooked) with apples, mushrooms, and onions... it's a feast fit for the gods.
Fruit: I'm awfully fond of fresh fruits and berries.
Soda: I'm a Coca-Cola kid. Every now and again, I like to dye my lips and tounge bright red with birch beer. I also have a tonic water fetish--but, then I am kinda "different." :-) And finally, I love Zima. What's that you say? It's not a soda-pop? Sure tastes like one!
Dessert: I love a good cake (forget the frosting tho), a tender pastry, a frothy mousse, a tart pie, and flan. The key here is not too sweet! The Germans know how to do 'em right (most Americans think their desserts aren't sweet enough)!
Ethnic cuisines: I haven't tried one yet that I didn't like. I'm particularly partial to very spicy foods--Szechaun, Hunan, Thai, Mexican, Jamaican. But that doesn't mean I don't love German, Moroccan, French, Persian, Italian, Vietnamese, etc.
Seafood: Shrimp, scallops, oysters, clams... I quite like shell fish. Oddly enough, I don't eat all that much "fish" fish (unless it's raw... but that's another category ;-)
Milk: Yes, Dave does like moo-juice served hot or cold--warm is just plain disgusting. Whole milk, preferably non-homogenized (did ya know that the reason for homogenization is to make milk taste creamy because they took the cream out? the result is a product that is less healthy than the original! why not just go ahead and leave the cream in???), please.
Tea: As with coffee, I like it just about any way it's served. I do prefer it to be brisk, tho. Herbal teas are cool too. I have been known to imbibe many of Celestial Seasonings' offerings.
Bread: I'll situp and beg for fresh bread. Fortunately Publix has a reasonably good bakery, 'cuz I don't have time to make my own bread, and I don't do that stuff sold on the "bread" aisle.
Fowl: Chick-fil-lay sandwichs, roast goose, duck with cherry sauce, turkey with oyster dressing and lots of cranberry relish... I'll gobble 'em all up.

What does a Dave do for fun?

[JesterIcon] Daves are sybaritic, sensualistic beasties. They are known to take pleasure in a wide variety of activities. Daves love adventure and novel experiences spanning the range from the tranquil to adrenalin-enhanced. As a general principle, they are willing to try just about anything--but have no plans to list some of the more "interesting" experiences in a publicly accessable web page ;-) Daves have been know to test the limits of their inhibitions--just to see how far they'll go--and play chicken. Make no mistake, Daves have a lot of fun doing some pretty darn mundane and ordinary things too.

Dave's high-adventure experiences include:

Rainy daze:

Daves have been known to enjoy rainy days and watching thunderstorms. While all of the following activities are ones that a Dave would take pleasure in on a dry day, he has special memories of the following rain enhanced events:

Dave takes simple pleasure in all sorts of things:

But... Dave's ultimate favorite thing to do is... be a kid! The wonderful thing about being--at least chronologically--an adult is that you can be a child; you get to eat cake for breakfast, stay up late, get great toys, act as goofy as you like, and stick your tounge out at anyone who dares say, "no." As a friend of my once said, "Children do not have nearly as much fun with childhood as adults do with adultry."

What are some adventures Dave would like to try?

[WildThingIcon] I wanna go where the wild things are! I crave new, and exciting experiences. Things on my to-do list include:

What kind of music does a Dave listen to?

[AccordianPlayerIcon] It might be easier to ask what kind he won't listen to. And even then, there are always exceptions. Daves can be--and often are--profoundly affected by music. Usually they will choose an aural environment to complement and enhance their current mood; however, they have been known to deliberately engineer a mood by playing appropriate music. Even if a Dave were to provide an exhaustive list of his musical holdings, it still would not truely reveal the scope of his tastes--as there are many genres which he truely enjoys that aren't represented. That said, a catalog would at least provide the reader with an idea of Davish preferences. In his office desk drawer there is a small music collection--choosen explicitly for work related moods--which at the time of this writing, consists of:

I've heard that Dave has lots of books. What does he read?

[BookIcon] Read? Me? Ahahahaha! Just kidding :-) I have lots of books and I've even read a couple of them. You can blame it all on my mother; she taught me to read when I was two, and I've been doing it ever since. If you want to give a kid a huge advantage over his peers, teach him to love books at a very early age. I can't even begin to do justice to the impact reading has had on my life.

Books that have had a profound influence on the Dave:

Bach, Richard: Illusions
The story of a couple guys bumming around in their bi-planes. One just happens to be a messiah.
George, Jean: My Side of the Mountain
The tale of a boy who runs away from home and takes up residence in a hollow tree in the Catskills.
Levin, Ira: This Perfect Day
A dystopic vision of a society managed by a computer and kept happy with psycho-active medication.
Saint Exupéry, Antione de: The Little Prince
A bitter-sweet handbook for young and old which clearly explains just what is important. I confess, reading it has left me in tears more than once.

What Dave has been reading recently...

Rather than fill up page after page with titles, I've tried to choose my favorite work of my favorite authors, and list it here with a brief annotation.

Some novels he'd recommend

The pseudo-technical reading list

For a bit of escapism there's always SF and Fantasy

The classics ('nuff said)

How does a Dave spend his time?

[HourGlassIcon] Putting on and taking off hats. And I've worn a bunch of them, let me tell you!

Hats currently worn:

Hats I've worn in the past include:

Wow, after reading all this, I just feel so inadequate. Does a Dave have any flaws?

[CherubIcon] Yeah, enough so that I can still fit my head thru a standard sized--albeit well greased--doorway. Actually, a Dave can be pretty darn boring. They are introspective creatures and are thus prone to lapse into reflective silences. In fact, it should be conceeded that their minds are known to periodically shut-down, leaving them little more than giant sized veg-pygmies.

Daves are terribly stubborn, proud, and often preoccupied creatures. In addition, they are not particularly co-ordinated, graceful, or endowed with natural athletic ability. The combination has lead to many accidents--ranging from simply walking into a wall to "that unfortunate event at hang-gliding school which resulted in a broken ankle."

Daves need to be careful to remember to eat. They are often so focused on some activity that they forget to maintain their blood sugar. At best, this makes a Dave grumpy and snippy, at worst it triggers a migraine. Yes, there is a bi-lateral family history of migraines, so the Dave is doomed to perdiodic bouts of incapacitation. Other factors known to induce migraines in a Dave include loud and/or high pitched noises and bright and/or flickering lights.

As has been previously asserted, Daves are independent (contrary), tenacious (stubborn), creative (weird), confident (arrogant) beasties. Consequently, they are born leaders (do not always play well with others).

Is it true that Daves are children of the night?

[MoonIcon] Something special happens between the time the sun sets and rises; something wild and untamed awakens as the sun slips below the horizon. Daves have been known to stand transfixed watching the moon or a cloud scudding across the sky. During the day, the sky seems bounded, but at night, it is infinite. Daves enjoy both the clarity of a crisp night and the mystery of a fog shrouded night. The world sleeps and the Dave is on the prowl.

The mind of a Dave appears to work best late at night. Often it will become so full of ideas that it is difficult for the Dave to fall asleep. Daves can nocturnal productivity can be extraordinary; once they get rolling, they are extremely focused and tenacious. However, to ensure the quality of their work, they have to guard against attempting to operate beyond the point of exhaustion.

A favorite activity is to walk at night--especially along the beach or thru a deserted, but "normally" well-populated area.

If that is so, then do Daves then shun the light?

[SunIcon] Absolutely not! It is true that Daves--being fair, nordic types--have eyes that are sensitive to bright light. While it has not been conclusively determined, preliminary research suggests that the judicious use of sunglasses is most efficacious in ameliorating the effects of high intensity illumination. One suprising consequence of this particular solution is that Daves are frequently mistaken for an incognito celebrity.

In so far as artificial illumination goes: A Dave can not abide by fluorescent lights! However, incandescent and candle light are perfectly acceptable. Indeed, there is something almost atavistic in the pleasure a Dave derives from fire-based illumination.

The days a Dave likes best tend to be partly cloudy with blustering, cool winds, and the sun just intense enough to keep one warm despite the wind, but not not so strong as to result in perspiration. Happily, Gainesville Florida has many days that meet these criteria.

Does someone as Godlike as a Dave have friends?

[FaceIcon] Yes! And they are all Gods too! Dave only forms close relationships with people of the highest caliber. They are bright, inquisitive, funny, independent, self-reliant, adventurous, open-minded, loyal, honest, trust-worthy, dependable, generous people with a capacity for empathy. They have a strong, unique personal flavour and deep, complex personalities--there is much more going on inside than meets the eye. Some people--with a web presence--with whom Dave shares a deep friendship include (in alphabetic order):

I've looked all over, but I just can't find a Genuine Dave anywhere. Where can I find one?

[FlowerIcon] Keep looking, because they are rare and elusive. While there are literally thousands who go by the name Dave, they are all just imitations. Some are, admittedly, better than others; but, there is just no substitute for the real thing. There is in fact only One True Dave®. Unfortunately, the supply just can't meet the demand. Even so, I don't recommend settling for some Dave-wanna-be. To help the aspiring, I've compiled the following list of tips for those who want the very best.

Tip #1: Let Dave know you are interested. Ask him out! It'll give him a chance to get to know you and you an opportunity to learn if you really do want a Dave.
Tip #2: Be yourself! Daves like genuine people--not poseurs!
Tip #3: Don't forget that the Dave must choose you too. If its not a mutual thing, it's just not going to work.
Tip #4: For those who have more than friendship on their mind, Daves love flowers, stuffed animals, and romantic settings.

Who has influenced the Dave and how?

[LaurelWreathIcon] I figure that everyone we meet, and every situation we are in has at least one positive lesson to teach us--one just needs to take the time to reflect and realize what it is. It might be painful. It might be fun. We might not even realize what it is we're learning until years later. But the lessons are there. When we see a quality we admire in another, we can choose to emulate it, to make it a part of ourself. Similarly, we can learn from bad examples--by deciding that we do not want to be that way. It's our choice: to learn and grow or stagnate with a closed heart and mind.

Dave's Golden-Laurels-O'-Thanks® are here-by presented to:

My Mom, who always believed in me.
My Dad, who taught me to recognize quiet love.
The artists (be their media words, sound, paint, stone, light, or something else) whose works I've experienced, who, by sharing their passions and perspectives, enriched my thinking and fertilized my imagination.
Mrs. Ruth Brewer, who treated me like an adult (even tho I was an upity, snot-nosed 10 year old) and proved that there really are people interested obscure and wonderful things.
Denise, who showed me that even something that begins as a joke can become something special.
Jan , who taught me to be human.
Claire, who let me see myself thru her eyes.
Dr. Finlayson, Sam, MA, and Joe, who showed me what makes a great boss.
Ross, who reminded me to be vigilant against the abuse of power, influence, and authority.
Chris, who taught me how to cherish another.
Rick and Donald, who convinced me not to settle for less.
The kids at Shands Pediatric Hematology/Oncology, who taught me that, despite being little monsters, children are wonderful.
Mary, who made me feel at home.
Jeff, who opened my eyes to the pattern.
Greg, who demonstrated the awesome power of diplomacy.
My students, who taught me to accept that Abe was right.

How can I get in touch with my inner Dave?

[QuillIcon] Send the archetypal, physical manifestation of Dave e-mail. So you've made it to end--Congratualtions! I'd like to hear from you. Some topics about which you could write:

[Pick your interface to Dave's WebStuffs] [The Naked Tiger Page] [Daves Wild, Wierd, & Wacky Links Page] [Dave's Cool Quotes Page] [The CDA3101 Page] [Dave's Digital Library]
This document and all images contained therein are original works
Copyright © 1995,1996 by David Theodore Small
All rights reserved

Dave -=TiGrr=- Small
dts@cis.ufl.edu
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