It also includes Dean Khargonekar, President Machen, Lola Haskins (fellow poet and former faculty member) and Kevin McCullen (who not only is a high school classmate but also a grad student whose PhD committee I was on), for a total of 80 people. Hover your mouse over the hypertext links to see the names I'm mangling. See also Horror Matrices for more fun poetry, or click here for my serious poetry.

CISE Ship of State, by T. D.

It was a bright and Sahni day; The CISE ship of State Sailed forth from Gainesville bay; For the tide for none shall wait.

Pilot Gerhard manned the Ritter, To keep The Baut in trim. With John not at stern, but at the Bowers, Ahmed at Helmy stood.

'Twas the Joan, we Cris'ned her, man, With cabins many a porthole grace, Whitecaps and waves through them Ya views, To help you on the seas to place.

Randy cooked, nice Chow it was, With Fish which Paul had caught. We're low on provisions for the stew, Williams or 'taters do ya?

First watch o' day on crow's nest high, Sailor Joachim keeps an eye On deadly sharks and Hammer head, And Gaders in the swamp.

At lookout Man, we'll see ahead A place no sailing ship dare tread, The sea's for naught but seal an' gull, Beware: Bermudez triangle!

The salty breeze the sails they filled; held taut with naught a Wrinkle. "'Tis Wendi on the Decker," Cried Miller at the tiller, "We'll make good headway 'fore this gale, Unless it Peters out."

But then a thunderstorm came up, And wave and wind did Rory. We thus held fast. "Stan' lee of port!" Cried Captain Nemo to the crew.

Peter lost hold amidst the storm, Van overboard! they cried! Dobbins bobbin' in salty brink. Baba up and down!

David cast a line o' starboard, So grab him quick or he'll go Üngör! Down to the ocean floor. Beware the Rocha 'n crags 'a port, Else to the bottom go many more.

When it was calm we sailed on. "Isle ahead! Land Ho!" Jeff cried, "Look far above, see towers high! Nay, mi Castillo it may be? Or bucaneers in their Fortes? Er nest of pirates in their Hall?"

Alas, skull and cross bones Banner! Gee, We should flee, or run avay, Them's pirates, see? They don't know right from Rong; I fear our doom is Ngai.

Bodes well for us that Admiral Sanjay Would out Rank a pirate captain Scurvy dog.

With galley crew Gang Chen'ed up fast, And pirate captain up the mast, It'd Seem a Band o' pirate crew Have launched their boats into the Xia, Their hope it is to board us!

They'll Thai My up and make me walk The plank to Davy's locker! With cutlass sharp across the face I fear with scars they'll Markus!

"Hah! For Sooth they'll Shing a song for us, When lock and Chen they're tied up fast," Cried pirates drunk with rum.

When rum's worn off, and headaches pound, They'll pay dear a' Joe to down. But coffee break is not Jermaine To pitched battles in the sea lane; Thus shall I continue:

The pirate captain led forth his crew With words both fell and fey: "Raise a skull and cross bones flag; Enter a sorry pirate skiff, me matey's!

Gold and Crystal is ours this day! We seek yer treasure and Seeger gold; The rest of it we Chuck o'er board! And Hands a' me those pretty gems That give a shiny Ray, man, Eh man?"

Marines alarm, at your station, Now Sully forth at Beck and call! Prime the cannon, let forth a blaze, Carlos, Man, a salvo! Careful, man, and aim it sharp, Take care to get in Range, And hit them hard upon the stern, Anandefended side!

The pirate crew they fired cannon, The shot went wild, above the deck. Prabhat, high up in yardarm, duck! Good thing that it did Mishra.

Grapplin' hooks, pirates sling, Ropes a flyin', cutlass clang. Parry then, look out men, He'll Cave in M'sKull in!

Tim drew blade and fought them back, Sparse backslash a flicker; He stood his ground upon the deck: "Traitors! Flee, with pirate dreck!" The battle raged and Dan yelled out, His sword arm it did Eicher.

A bullet flew, and hit me square, I survived with just a scratch. It was from Mere a Side arm shot. Naught that I can't patch.

With shriek, and shout and battle cry, And plaids and Bennetts waving high, And broad-swords flashing to the sky. Sir Walter Scott lept in the fray, Of Battle of Beal' an Duine.

"Stay! sea pirates, Die! an' Quell yer ruckus!" Cried Scott above the din, "On my Mark, let forth a hail Of fire from the muskets!"

The pirates? They scattered, With cuts and blows, and clothes a' tattered, Twas clear to me they were in need, Of medic and a Taylor; They fled on foot on sandy shore, And could na' take it Anna' more; With weapons tossed, so fast they ran, In bare feet; they need a Schuman.

Thus we fought them off that day, Pirates once wild were now quite Tamer. On this forsaken sandy shore, The pirates shall Terry here no Moore.

We'll search them out, in all the isles Of Caribbean vast: Bermuda, Grenada, Bahamas, Kitts, Cayman, Janica isle. No pirate's safe from our revenge, Nary claim to quarter.

We came at last to Sanders shore, Where surf and waves Rollins ashore. Who might this be on the beach? A Hindi Raj wade in the surf, Our fearless courage he to honor.

Where X marks treasure on the map, Doug dug down, hit pirate bones, First d' leg and then D'ankel. No Small cask of gold he found, Buried underground.

We shed no tear for pirate's fall, Skeleton once hearty an' hale. They say a dead man tell no tales, Yet shall a Weismantel you all.

Beware, a trap in pirate's hold, A cask of deadly snakes cut loose! Viper, sea snake, python, krait, And A lean Cobra.

The pirate chest spilled open wide, Royal treasure lay 'fore our eyes. Jim 'auled in da baron's gold; Tim 'Alden Da viscount's.

Lola Has kin some port nearby, So did Gerald claim. So on to Panama we sailed, Where Benja manned the Lok.

To port we came at end of day With treasure customs due: Jih-Kwon Peir'd at pier, With scrip in Liu of gold.

When moored our ship was at the slip; She's low in water, Aye, me ship Is Laden at d' wharf, With pirate treasure dear.

To share with few I can afford, Of gold stolen from pirate hoard; To Sharon all I can't Alford, Morris needed for those aboard!

For those who falsely claim a share, In pirate gold and treasure, Naught a mite you'll have from me, Away with ye! You'll have to Sumi.

Acknowledgements:

This poem 'twere not possible Sans funding Office Naval. Grant 4078 dash ten; Bernie shared cost-Machen.

The grant it came in nick of time; Promotion packet, add a line. The Dean my packet he put forward; To full prof I've been Pramod'ed.

Connie, Emily, Timothy J. Helped this poem see light of day. Husband and Daddy they did inspire, For puns at once so low and higher. Alas for those poor shipwrecked crew Whose names are not yet added. Perhaps some day I'll find a way Their names in pun to addle.

Historical footnote:

The above poem dates back to 1793, and is a classic example of a C shanty, popular among sailors from the 15th to the 19th century. They were sung to keep the crew working in close coordination, when hauling ropes, pulling anchor or oar, or for other tasks requiring joint effort with accurate timing. The C shanty is making a comeback in the 21st century, with the advent of pair programming, in which the combined efforts of two programmers at C (see the example below) must also be tightly coordinated. When pair programmers are at their best they say the C flows.

For more nautical themes (And all I ask is a Linux box and a mouse to steer her by ...) see I Must Go Code in the C.

The code's in C for odes at sea. Thar they be: sans parrot, pirate pair at work a programmin' at C. Yo ho!