I'm being quite useful.  This thing is a Thneed.
A Thneed's a Fine-Something-That-All-People-Need!
It's a shirt.  It's a sock.  It's a glove.  It's a hat.
But it has OTHER uses.  Yes, far beyond that.
You can use it for carpets.  For pillows!  For sheets!
Or curtains!  Or covers for bicycle seats!"

-Words and illustration from The Lorax by Dr. Seuss.